Dinda’s Color Of Life

Insecurity……feeling doubt……rethingking again….replanning all of it…..

should i?? for the last 2 days that’s what i felt….

the words that you don’t need to say to me….but you said it….makes me felt breaking down…..breaking my heart into pieces….even it’s just a words…a little word actually….but it really knock me hard inside.

should i rethingking again about what we planned ?

i felt that you’re gonna dissapear, i felt that you’re gonna stay away from me, is it gonna happen?? i’m afraid….i’m so afraid…

it’s been a long time not writing in this blog…kinda miss this thing…

this is the moment when everything seems going well and fine…this is the warmness, settling down for our journey…….
I found the one that knew me best….knowing that there’s a someone who will always stay beside you no matter what…..
the feeling that so priceless……something that i’m looking for all this time……

i love him so much everyday……….can wait until that days is come……

hope it’s never gonna end…….

Everything changes……everything is fall apart…..i don’t know what i must supposed to do!!!

All of my efforts, all of my goodness is gone in his eyes.

All the thing i do for him is meant nothing……

I’m in the crossroad…….i’m confuse……should i stay or walk this way……

Because i don’t know how much worthed i am for him…..

He never know how much he meant to me…..how much i need him in my life……

I just need to sit back and get a rest for a while…and think all of this to find a better way for me and him.

Maybe we just don’t click for each other….maybe we just don’t meant for each other…..maybe….and maybe….but i keep trying for this…because i know my heart, i know my love for him.

I just hope that he can see that all i do is all for him…..

I give him my heart and soul….i just don’t know how’s my life without him…..i will be crash and burn if i lose him…..

or maybe i should let him go to see him happy??? should i???

I just don’t want to facing another heart break…..it’s hurt…..

"Betapa aq mencintaimu…lebih dari apapun…..namun cinta ini tidak dapat kujaga……"

Cinta ini membuatku menangis…..tapi aq terus bertahan…..semua hanya demi cinta……cinta yg begitu besar yg aq punya hanya untuk dia….

aq hanya berharap semuanya tidak akan berubah…semua akan spt dulu lagi…seperti masa2 indah dulu….hanya ada aq dan kamu…hanya ad kita….

Just the two of us who love each other so much and have a big picture for our future……

Just hoping……!!!!

Turn to 26th seems so "biasa" banget…..nothing special.

Since the beginning of the month, i already had a feeling that this time will just go with the flow.

Someone who i expecting so much….just not the way i hope for.But that’s what he is. He even said alot of things that make me sad. I already knew it.

I just hope that, if he really love me that much, can he fulfill my wish, eventhough it’s just a little, not much???

It’s feels so sad….but what for i make it bad to myself. I want to make it great and happy eventhough for myself….

If i can’t get it from someone special then i have to make it on my own.

That’s right…..

Fuck the sadness……

Welcome happiness….

tu Stress……stress….stress…… Pokoknya gw gy stress…..kepikiran sesuatu yang ngebuat aq gak bisa tidur dgn enak bbrp hari ini.

Ditambah lagi org2 disekitar pada sensi and have their own problem…

Aq tambah pusing…..pgn refresing tapi yang punya rencana juga masih pada binun sendiri menentukan destinasinya….hmmm…..

STRESS……….STRESS…….STRESS……..!!!!!

Hmm….I just don’t understand why you want to running from good girl…

why you wanna turn your back on love

why you already giving up…..

i swear i give you so much more….i swear i never let you down

coz it’s you that i adore.

It’s tearing up my heart when i’m with you but when we are apart I feel it too and no matter what I do I feel the pain, with or without you……hmm the song lyrics which is hanging on my mind since morning until now. the song from boyband which the record i haven’t heard since i don’t know why but this song really cheer me up this morning when i’m on the way to office. The music is so great because is up-beat and can make you dance following to the music. But the lyrics kinda remind me of something familiar and make me wondering….is it?? is it the situation same like that??

Something bother me since last nite, eventhough he said everything is just so fine like usual but my heart tells me something not normal. Something change….but i don’t know why. His behaviour kinda little different as usual. He become a little bit quite….why don’t you be honest with me if there’s something bother your mind….i am the important person for you right?? or have been changed??

I can’t read people’s mind so would you be a dear and tell me what’s wrong…I will be your ear,eventhough maybe i cant give the solution.

Why is it still bothering me?? just be a normal and my bad feeling will be dissapear. just simple as that…

Make it simple not so complicated……i’m begging you.

Where are you when i needed…??? I never complain about your thing with your friends but last nite i need you sooo much. Where should i run to?? When you are busy with your thing….i stuck alone in my misery of missing you. But you never know it because i never show it to you.

Lonely…….i was so lonely….i have nobody on my own…..kok jadi kayak lagunya Akon yaa….hehehehe…..

well just hope it’s not happen again….coz you don’t know how much i can’t sleep well last nite…thinking of you and feel sorry for my self.

ah whatever lah…..just hope everything will be fine deh….

Hmm…….just realised at the end of the day……I love him sooo much. I realised that i’m stick with him and so does he. I realised that he’s the one who’s gonna be my my shoulder to cry on.

Dia yang akan menemaniku di situasi apapun. Dia yang akan menerima segala kekuranganku meskipun hal itu akan menyakitkan baginya. Dia yang akan selalu mengingatkanku utk selalu berubah menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik. Dia yang mengerti semua tentang diriku.

Dia yang akan menyimpan segala kesedihannya demi aq. Dia akan tampak tegar didepanku demi menjaga perasaanku yang begitu sensitif. Dia yang akan melakukan segalanya demi aq. Dia yang selalu menanyakan pendapatku disaat kita akan membeli sesuatu, karena dia tidak hanya mementingkan kepentingannya sendiri, tetapi aq juga.

Dia yang aq mau untuk menjadi pendampingku, my partner of my life, the father of our child, seseorang untuk berbagi tentang semuanya.

He’s the one……..

eventhough his attitude sometime drive me crazy but at the end of the day…….

I love him sooo much……

1st…..beautiful moment…is it??? i don’t think so.

I always imagine that my 1st is gonna be romantic and so beautiful, just me and the one i love the most.

We’re spend some time together, maybe just hangout in the romantic place. It doesn’t have to be like candle light dinner or something like that….just the two of us holding so tight and enjoy the night and talk about everything, such as our 1st "jadian" or maybe alot of beautiful moment that we have for the past a year. We also talk about our negatif and positif thing to each other…..give present to each other….and other romantic thing deh.

But it’s all just a dream to me…..It’s all never happen.

Am i being too childish to imagining this? am i too overwhelm if i feel this is such an important to me?? am i wrong ?? tell me if i’m wrong.

I’m just a girl who want to celebrate my 1st with the one i love just like the way i dream about for all this time.

But what do i get?? it’s all tears and tears……

The tears which i fallen for someone that i love the most….the one who make me happy and sad in the same time. Someone who love me that much until make him suffering inside.

1st……is not that good….for me…but maybe not for everybody else.

1st….i only make him suffer….i’m so ashamed because it seems i’m being barenaked in front of one of his friend……i have a huge weight in my shoulder…..i can’t carry the weight of that emotional thing. i can’t stand it that for the whole this time the one that i love the most is being unhappy with me. I can’t stand the feeling, it’s so hard.

I’m the kind of person who so live with alot of love, who really passionate and really want to make my partner happy but what i do is exactly the opposite. Everything that i do is always wrong in front of him. I don’t know what i must supposed to do. I’m so lost, but without him i will be more suffer and lost. I lose my grip if he walk away from my life.

Dia adalah darahku, dia adalah jantungku yg membuatku tetap kuat melangkah selama ini. Dia yang membuatku termotivasi utk selalu mengingatkan ku utk menjadi seseorang yang lebih baik. Dia….hanyalah Dia yang aq cinta with all my heart. Aq gak bisa tanpa Dia. Dengannya pun aq merasakan rasa sakit yg sebenarnya…aq merasa hancur dan senang di saat yang sama. Terkadang aq merasa is it going to work but then i think again……Dia yang selalu mau memperjuangkan cinta kita, kenapa aq gak??

Cintanya yang membuatku kuat utk tetap bertahan….cintanya yang selalu membuatku belajar utk tidak cepat menyerah. CIntanya begitu berarti bagiku.Kesetiaanya membuatku percaya akan suatu hubungan antara 2 org manusia dan a marriage. Dimana aq selalu meragukan kesetiaan setiap lelaki tapi dia menunjukkan bahwa lelaki setia itu masih ada di dunia yg penuh kebohongan ini.

Mengapa dgn begitu besarnya cinta yg qta miliki, knp aq tidak bisa menuruti apa yg dia inginkan?? knp aq malah membuatnya terluka??

Aq tak tau apa yang harus aq lakukan utk memperbaiki ini semua…aq hanya berharap dia akan mengerti tentang pengorbananku selama ini utknya…..semoga dia menyadari bahwa selama ini aq sudah selalu berusaha utk menjadi yang terbaik baginya. but sometime all my effort are not good enough for him.

Aq hanya mau melakukan yang terbaik untuk Dia….

hanya Dia.